Some of you may have noticed that I'm repurposing some old content that was formerly published in the Chester Matters papers - and some of you may not have noticed. Here's one from a couple years ago that will help someone today.
Nothing is more exhausting than arguing with your own brain every day, all day. Every single thought is like a battle within itself.
Having anxiety makes you care too much, having depression makes you not care enough. When you have both, it can be nothing short of hell.
I may be smiling on the outside, but on the inside, I’m at war.
Anxiety gives me a list of things to do, but depression doesn’t give me any motivation to do any of it. I feel I want to do better, but I just don’t know how.
Some people don’t realize how getting out of bed, brushing your hair, putting on clothes, and other simple chores like that, take so much out of you. When you wake up feeling tired every day because you know the day ahead is going to be exhausting because you are already fighting with yourself as soon as you open your eyes.
“If I stay in bed for five more minutes I might be able to make it through the day. If I stay in bed for five for minutes I’m going to be late for work.” So you sit there and argue, and before you know it five minutes have gone by and you didn’t get to rest and you didn’t get up. Now you’re forced to get up and start your day in a rush. It’s a constant battle.
Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends but hating socializing. It’s like wanting to be alone without being lonely. It’s caring about everything and nothing at the same time. It’s feeling everything at once and then feeling numb.
The worst part of it all is you want to be loved but you don’t know how to let people in to love you and you always think you don’t deserve love. You feel like you are better off alone but you don’t want to be alone. You feel like you want to get help, but you don’t know which way to go.