One of the highest risk methods to spread coronavirus is playing basketball. All that heavy breathing and huffing & puffing while in close proximity to a bunch of sweaty crossover connoisseurs and blockout bandits almost assures that if someone got it, everyone gonna get it.

The NBA plays in a controlled environment where everyone who doesn’t jones for chicken wings (or human breasts and thighs) remains in the complex and gets tested all the time.

Playground basketball is no bubble. Many places where playground basketball is popular took the extreme measure of removing entire backboards to keep folks from playing hoops. Recently, those same decision makers decided the coast was clear and started putting the basketball courts back in operation. (I don’t know what channel these people watch to make them think the coast is clear when clearly Rona’s on a rage).

Despite common myth and urban legend, black folks don’t like playing outside. This movement started in direct proportion to the rise in sneaker prices. Guys like me could count on dad forking over $9.95 every 3-months for a new pair of Chuck Taylor Converse All-Stars only because he could justify the hours I put in at The Cage. Today, ain’t nobody paying $150 for sneakers to have them eaten up by asphalt. Black folks prefer to play indoors as evidenced by the empty courts all around Chester most of the time.

My co-worker rushes to me telling me he thinks there’s an All Lives Matter rally forming in Thornbury Park. I ask, what makes you say that? He said, a lot of white people are gathering.

Obviously, his investigative skills are nescient and untrustworthy, so I decided to stop by on my way back to Chester. Sure enough, there were a lot of white folks in the park – playing basketball.

I don’t know what was worse: watching 4 simultaneous 3-on-3 basketball games taking place in the age of coronavirus, or witnessing some of the worst jump shooting I’ve ever seen from a bunch of white guys. All I kept saying to myself was these are the very guys that have these great basketball hoops in almost every driveway around here. There’s no way they should be shooting this badly.

pandemic basketball

For shits & giggles, I wanted to prove my own theory right and drove past Chester’s Memorial Park straight from Thornbury. Yup, just as I suspected. There was one guy on the court working on his midrange jump shot, clearly with an abundance of social distance between he and the next guy (who happened to be me about 50-yards away).

I must confess. If I were in my late teens-early 20s and there was a 3-on-3 tourney going on in Thornbury, I’d probably be one of those hardheads out there. One thing for certain, my jump shot would be going down a whole lot more than that crew’s.