Fake News reports that Michael Vick doesn’t like afros. He is responsible for Michael Jackson switching up to a Jheri Curl in the 80s and he’s soon to go after NCAA and NBA basketball players who have taken the afro to a whole new level of originality and chaos.

As the self-proclaimed image consultant for the NFL, Vick has determined that black quarterbacks must be clean shaven in order to get on a roster. Long haired white guys and bushy haired Samoans are exempt from this rule as are black guys with multi-colored dreds as long as they shave the sides.

Check your local listings for Vick to appear with Iyanla Vanzant in a 4-part special on how he went from football star to an emerging expert on all things black and beautiful in sports.